If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
