"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
