I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize