Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
