Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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