Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
