I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
