so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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