and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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