i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
