Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
