I can tuck mytits in my pants
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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