I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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