i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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