i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
