So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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