Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
