I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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