yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
