I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
