I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
