Moan for me like Helen Keller
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
