One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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