No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
just found out that she named her cat after me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
