CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
