I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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