Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
