OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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