Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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