I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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