this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
