Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
