I hate all girls vehemently.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You smell like stripper and shame
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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