Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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