Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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