I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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