I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
