guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
