I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
