Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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