well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
