Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
