mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
