She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
