Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
