im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
