he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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