There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
