He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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