I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
