absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
