Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
