Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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