Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
