thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
