Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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