when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
