PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
