Me. At least after what I've been through.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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