I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The power of my boobs compel you
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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