Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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