no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
