Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
