Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
