This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
