Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
