I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
