What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
