he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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